Thursday, January 19, 2012
I haven't really posted much on here about the pregnancy because it seems so trivial compared to Addison's issues, but I am now just shy of 26 weeks and we are having some serious preterm labor issues. I've been in the hospital 3 times now to have my contractions stopped. I'm dilated to 1 and 50% effaced and been bleeding some. The fetal fibronectin testing is coming back positive so we don't have that to reassure us that everything is fine. At my last appt, they told me that I should be prepared that labor could happen very soon. There's unfortunately no way to tell other than just keep watching.. Last time, my water broke spontaneously so there was no warning, everything looked fairly good at my last appt at 33 weeks. They have given me steroid injections this week just in case, at only 26 weeks they won't do much to mature her lungs, but new studies are showing a big decrease in brain bleeds in those who receive the shots much earlier. If I make it four more weeks, I can get a second set of them. Our next big goal is 28 weeks. I really haven't processed what could happen if I go into labor soon... my brain doesn't have room to deal with Addison's real problems and the possibility of new problems of having a micro-preemie. I feel calm, I guess because I know its out of my hands. I'm resting, doing everything in my power to keep her in - the rest is in God's control and I am okay with that. Audrina, this blog is mostly about your big sister, but just know that we love you so incredibly much and we just want you to get here safely (and nice and fat and overdue if its not too much to ask!) You are joining one incredible family of strong women (and one awesome daddy too!).... I'm sure you'll find your own special strength to bring to our little world.
I'm trying really hard to believe that this is just a fluke, a bad week for Addison. I keep thinking any moment she's going to wake up from her nap just totally herself and laughing and smiling. I am still praying that is the case. Earlier in the week, she was starting to act strange but I thought it was the beginning of another bug of some sort, random fevers, acting lethargic, and just not herself. But she was still having smiley happy moments and being fairly active. We noticed she's been falling down a lot over the past couple of days, even from a sitting position. I figured she was just overtired...
But today, from the moment I got her out of her bed something seemed off. She could barely hold her head up and was just jello in my hands. She ate and I got her dressed...then we headed to physical therapy (they are now letting her go back if she's symptom-free for 24 hours from the C-Diff). She was unable to bear any weight on her legs and would just throw herself back and cry in frustration if we tried to help her stand. Her PT said it was a sad and remarkable difference in her from their visit last week.
Then later she saw a pediatric ophthalmologist. More upsetting news. Addison's optic nerves are showing some mild loss of color - a sign of atrophy. They won't know more until they can compare again in a couple months, so it's a lot of hurry up and wait as usual. I am trying not to think about what optic nerve damage would mean for the future, I can't let myself get that far ahead when we don't know anything and can't stop it anyway even if we did know.
Please pray that this is a temporary thing.... I want to come on here tomorrow and post that she's back to being her usual giggling little self, I am so scared for another setback.
Posted by Adam & Kimberly at 5:55 PM