Last night, Audrina was moved to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit. My heart broke as they asked me to leave - I learned she needed a spinal tap and several other invasive and painful tests. She's getting an EEG and MRI and a third round of bloodwork. So far she's had a normal echocardiogram and cranial ultrasound. We also found out she has RSV.
Today, she took a turn for the worse, her resting heart rate has shot way up over 200 much of the time, and she is breathing very hard and fast. She's not really eating much and is lethargic.... she also developed a low-grade fever earlier.
Please keep prayers coming for my sweet Audrina - she's really not looking good. In everything I have been through with Addison, I never worried she would not survive the night. It's a terrifying feeling... Audrina is so tiny and helpless, and she has already been through so much in her little life. Sometimes I am so angry that my children have had to suffer as much as they have, but still, our God has a plan and his mercy and grace are much stronger than my anger.
I've been able to play K-love for Audrina and I around the clock, and I feel like this song has really touched me tonight. Adam suggested that perhaps we are going suffer so that we may reach more people. Through the blog, through hospitals, through our own families and communities, our beautiful and amazing children are changing hearts. I hope our family's struggle will inspire even just one person to trust in the Lord and see for themselves that no matter what happens in this life, we are never alone, and the pain is always temporary and pales in comparison to the glory of heaven awaiting us one day when we are called home to our Father.
It's so much brighter living in Your world,
Savior, what you did for me.
You gave me something I want everyone to see.
When we struggle and it all goes wrong,
Only You can make it right.
So I say,
Oh - I'm learning to be the light.