Today was not the greatest of days, but the Lord blessed me several times over reminding me that He will open a way where I believe there is none. I love sharing stories like this so here goes.
First off, as many of you know, I have been busy the past couple of weeks gathering records and filing out many many pages of information for our big social security appointment today. This was to have the girls disability proven for a couple reasons - the most important being they would be taken care of insurance-wise and have a little bit of money to cover their expenses in case something happened to us before they turned 18. I can't imagine asking a friend or family member to take on the financial toll, as well as the obvious huge responsibility of two kids with special needs. The other thing is that one day in the next few years, Adam may make enough that we will no longer financially qualify for Medicaid as secondary insurance - which is literally the only thing keeping us afloat. With millions of dollars in medical care each year, this would be devastating to our family. And this is the problem for so many like us - you make $80 too much and suddenly you are on your own for hundreds of thousands of dollars of medical bills. We have applied for a few other options to go about ensuring they will have coverage, but its always one of those scary things in the backs of our minds. The last thing you want to think about when your child has the possibility of some treatment or plan is how much it will costs. I know you guys, like me, would do whatever it takes to see your child gets the proper care.
Anyway, we got denied because of a technicality that really was meant to apply to people in a totally different situation. But rules are rules and they made it clear they won't be making an exception, which I understand. Still, a frustrating blow.
I left there and had lunch with my mom and the kids and forgot my purse in her car. Suddenly, halfway home I was thinking about what a horrible day I was having when I saw the flashing lights behind me. I pulled over and then realized I had no license or anything on me. I had just learned also that our insurance payment didn't go through so they had cancelled our insurance and hadnt even told us. Finally, since we just switched my license to Ohio, I had not had a chance to register my car yet so my plates were expired. Needless to say, I was distraught thinking how much trouble I was going to be in and the price tag it would come at. Thankfully, God was only out to remind me that things could be worse, because this very kind police officer gave me ALL warnings and let me go. I prayed and said an immediate THANK YOU for reminding me that things are not so bad and that I am so lucky to be loved this much by a very forgiving heavenly father!
Sometimes, I think we stare at the closed door so long, we get tunnelvision. God could be standing there right in front of me with a giant flashing sign saying "THIS WAY PLEASE!" and I think I would be kicking dirt and pouting about my bad luck. My lesson from this is to continue to pray to live with my eyes OPEN, looking for His direction. Seeking Him in every situation. Instead of feeling like the world was on my shoulders, I should have been smiling that He has overcome the world so I never have to feel that way.
Honestly, in every bad day, I can see the blessings now. It use to take a long time - looking back over months. Then weeks. And now, after a few hours - I clearly feel them all around me. That is growth! I am blissfully awakened to His work in our lives.... and the truth is once you see it, you never want to go back to looking past it again.