Thursday, September 18, 2014

What I'm not ready for.

Hey guys, its Adam. This week is Mitochondrial Disease Awareness week. So every day this week, to spread awareness, I will write a post relating to my personal experience living with 2 daughters and a wife who suffer from Mito. 

Day 1: 

One of the hardest things for me is accepting the fact that there is nothing I can do to fix them. I've beat myself up over this for a while now. Are we doing enough? Am I doing enough. I can remember arguments between Kim and I over what she was eating or drinking. There had to be a way to eat, drink, sleep, and live that would conquer this disease right? I thought if we put together a "plan" that on our own we could find a way to beat this. It was only recently that I have accepted the fact that I have no way of controlling how this disease affects them. I know we are doing everything we can and I find peace in that. I know that if/when something happened to any off them I will have a hard forgiving myself because I will always feel like I could have done more. Made more money. Then we could have bought things to make life easier. Helped her around the house more. I could just stay up late every night and do all the cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, etc. The truth is that while those things would help, and I have and will do many of them, it is very unrealistic to keep up with that kind of life. I look at them and I can't help but want more. They have already been robbed of so much. I can only imagine that when it is there time to go that their bodies will be so exhausted that nothing will feel better to them than God bringing them home. No more pain and suffering. I pray that when that day comes that God gives me the ability to accept this, and gives me the strength to get through it, because God knows right now this man is not ready for that. 

1 comment:

  1. So glad to get your input, Adam. Yeah, guys always want to 'fix' everything. Haha! Actually, your commitment for the long haul is the fix you ARE giving to your family. You're making it one day at a time with a servant's heart. Kudos, Adam...they don't come any better than you.