The night before Addi has a test or surgery, I lie awake trying to shut up the voices in my head that tell me that we are putting her through the next day's trials for nothing. In the light of day, I am optimistic, brave, and full of fight. But in bed at night... I'm worried, scared, and exhausted.
No parent wants to watch their child suffer. I must have wished a thousand times now that I could take her place. Since the moment she learned to smile, I live for every single grin she offers....she has been through more than enough that if she spent her days crying her eyes out I would understand. But despite her discomfort and the invasive procedures and exams she has frequently, she is still just the sweetest thing in the world. At dinner tonight, a woman came up to me and said, "What a lucky baby.." I said, "What makes you think that?" What a strange comment, especially considering the circumstances and why we are here. She smiled and said, "I don't think I have ever seen a baby that is loved so much - she's so lucky to have you."
What a great gift from God - to lift me up when I was feeling bad. This woman had no idea that my daughter was anything but a typical infant. And yet, she offered the perfect words at a much-needed time and reminded me that it's a privilege to be Addison's Mommy.
We are settled into the Ronald McDonald House at the hospital and everyone here has been fabulous to us. Its so nice having a place to go that feels a little more like home. Addison can't eat after 6am and it will be a long day by the time she finally gets cleared to eat again after surgery - around 2:30. But if all goes well, we can head back home tomorrow evening. At least for a few days, until we get the results back from this testing and see what our net steps are. Thank you so much to those who have sent encouraging messages, who have followed the blog, and who have reposted. Feeling the love and support of our family, friends, and even total strangers is one of our greatest blessings. I miss Adam and wish he could be here with us tomorrow, but we have to be able to pay the bills too. And he is looking after our other two girls as well. Its nice for them to feel like one of us will always be there for them, and with them.
Well, I better try to sleep - tomorrow promises to be a long day.
Love from Columbus to BK, Lily, and Daddy :)